


Discord

by Populus_1



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Humor, Original Character(s), Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:47:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 22,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23123467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Populus_1/pseuds/Populus_1
Summary: "It was dark and cold, not like the cold you would feel during a winters night, no not the same type of goosebumps you would get when the air kissed your skin, no this cold had nothing to do with the temperature but the sole fact that I was terrified"
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s)





	1. Chapter 1

It was dark and cold, not like the cold you would feel during a winters night, no not the same type of goosebumps you would get when the air kissed your skin, no this cold had nothing to do with the temperature but the sole fact that I was terrified, Strangely this fear wasn't for my life for that I had already known would be cut short, but no this fear that radiated within the fully metal room, in fact, was for the future.

The future that I had poured my heart and soul into creating, one where no one in the galaxy would know the horror that I have witnessed. I had started to waken, where am I? I had looked around the darkness, the only light coming from the door in front of me. I had thought back to before I was woken up here. I was fighting the first order on the planet of the Starkiller Base, I remember the fighters buzzing across the shadowed planet slowly becoming blanked in a fire. I remember blasters were going off left and right, the Resistance were doing their best to fight off the First Order with what little we had. I remember being backed up by the sheer strength of the First Order, we were way over our heads, I remember feeling everyone's emotions, this was the end, no allies where coming but that didn't mean I wasn't willing to fight until I drew my last breath.

The doors to the cell had opened up and amongst the dim light I had seen a figure, a tall dark man who radiated power, but I had felt this power before? perhaps I didn't even realize it had filled the room before until I was choking on it, it filled my lungs ever so quickly until I was consumed by it. This was the first time that I had actually feared for my life, I had taken one look at the man and he had given me this feeling.

He looked at my face, studied it as if to see if I was awake. He had taken a step into the cell and his boots had created a large echo, like a clank, the metal of his boot hitting the metal of the floor. If I wasn't already awake I sure was now. "Where am I?" I had felt betrayed by my own voice for it came out weak and unlike me. He had taken a seat on a small curve in the wall, "I said where am I!" This time I wasn't holding back, I needed to sound confident like I wasn't just terrified a moment ago. But then that's when it hit me, I've seen his face before, well not exactly his face but his helmet, wait a minute?, "Kylo Ren" his name slipped out on my tongue as smooth as butter.

"Your my prisoner" his voice came out robotic but also staticky, his helmet had looked almost destroyed, "take off your mask you coward," I had actually never seen his true face, he looked me up and down, my breath started to become erratic as he was doing so. Why was my body acting this way? Why was I blushing? he had pressed the back of his helmet and the mouthpiece had risen up, creating easy access to pull the mask off. As this was happening my heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest, I felt like he could hear how loud it was.

As soon as the mask came off I saw his hair, medium-length dark curls, this had surprised me but what surprised me more was how attractive this man was. Why was I thinking this way? "A few scouts had found you laying on the ground of the hub with a blaster hole in your stomach, The resistance probably thought you were dead", he took a pause, it felt like the longest pause of my life as I was waiting for him to continue. "They had taken you to our ship, I'm here to get information from you." I had a feeling this wasn't the only thing he was after.

He had stood up and walked forward, he was a few feet away but that didn't matter, I was pulled in by his eyes, I couldn't help it I was enchanted by them, I felt like I could see all of who he is. "The force, it's strong within you, but it won't matter", "what do you mean.." as I was saying this I felt like something was tugging at my brain as if something was reaching into my thoughts, my memory, I didn't understand this but I was scared

"I can feel the fear radiating off of you," "Taegyn" I started to get angry, he knew my name, how? for some reason I wanted to fight this pull, so I did what I felt was right I started pushing back, I used all of my force, Kylo threw his hand down in anger, I could feel this anguish it started to boil and rise in him, it was completely devoured him. " I guess I was wrong about you," I looked at him angrily and confused, "how do you know my name?" I sounded tired and angry. "There's a lot of things I know about you, you let your guard down and I was able to see your past", how was this possible? "it's possible because of the force," I was confused and scared, he knew what I was thinking.

What was the force? "Oh Taegyn you really are completely clueless, There's no way Leia didn't sense your power" he had begun to raise his hand again, "wait" but before I could say anymore I was knocked unconscious, it was pitch black and I couldn't think, what was this? I couldn't see anything like a fog was all around me and it engulfed me, I was completely drained from what had taken place that I had just wanted to sleep, and that's what I did.


	2. Chapter 2

I had woken up from what felt like an eternity, my back was killing me but not as much as my head. I wasn't in the same room, the same cell? This room instead had a small cot in the corner, "what an asshole he couldn't even bring me to the bed."

This room was lighter than the one I was in before, there were beams of light but not like the sun, synthetic, at least that's how it felt. I looked around and was surprised there was a pair of clothes on a small counter, above that a mirror. I had looked down at my attire and grimaced, I was covered in blood. I had started to pull my shirt off to see where all the blood was coming from, except I wasn't bleeding, there was a thick white bandage around my abdomen, I didn't do this?, I had gotten up off the floor and walked over to the mirror.

My dirty blonde hair was all over the place and stuck to my face with blood, my ponytail was half up and half down so I decided to just let my hair down, I had looked disgusting. My blue eyes looked empty, I looked as if I had no emotions as if I was as cold-hearted like Kylo Ren himself.

As I thought of him I was confused, there was no way he would just leave me here unguarded, I ran over to the door and tried to pry it open, with no luck I started pounding on the door, "let me out you bastard!", I kept going for what felt like forever but in reality, it was more like 30 minutes, of course, I was locked in here, I felt stupid for even trying.

I had turned back to the counter and saw the clothes once again, "I guess it couldn't hurt", among a pair of black skinny jeans and a tank top there where boots and a jacket, "of course they are all black" I kind of laughed to myself. I threw them on as fast as I can just in case someone walked in on me, it's not that I'm self-conscious but I sure as hell won't be flashing myself all over this ship.

As soon as the thought had left my brain there were loud thunder-like footsteps coming down the halls, I hadn't noticed until now but the ship was deathly quiet as if I could hear someone take a breath. The footsteps kept getting louder and louder and eventually they stopped right in front of my door, out of instinct I had backed up to the far end of the room. Not because I was scared but that way I'd have a better advantage to take on my captors, so I could put up a better fight.

Before the door was pulled up I grabbed at the cot in the corner, I had thrown the mattress, or what was left of it considering it felt like paper, I had grabbed at the frame of the bed, a piece of metal had started to give away considering how old it is. As soon as the door opened to this room I ripped a piece of metal off, Kylo Ren and a few stormtroopers had walked into the room, the stormtroopers took one look at me and laughed, "I wouldn't be laughing right now considering I could kill you In an instance" I spat out, I maybe couldn't kill them but I for sure could injure them.

They both had quieted down and with one swift motion of Kylos arm the bar in my hand was thrown to the ground and I was being pulled towards him. I had tried to fight it off, I had tried to push my feet to the ground to stop myself but this force was so strong. "You better put me down," I said with what confidence I had left considering he could kill me with one flick of the wrist, "or what, I wouldn't be so confident in your position" even under his robotic voice I could hear the smirk that came off his words. He had turned around and started walking down the halls with me still behind him.

"where are you taking me?", he didn't answer but instead sped up as if to rush my ultimate demise. We had walked down the corridors which had all started to blend into one considering they all looked the same. We had eventually stopped at a large mechanical door, larger than the door that was in front of my "room", I could feel the power coming from it, this power was unlike the power that radiated from Kylo though, no this power was much darker. I could definitely Differentiate between the power coming from Kylo and what's behind this door. 

For a split second before the door was opened I thought I could hear a heartbeat, was this mine? Was I really that scared?. Kylo finally put me down, the door opened and the stormtroopers pushed me inside, Kylo grabbed at my arm and started dragging me behind him. He walked so fast that I couldn't keep my feet on the ground, I kept tripping trying to keep up. This room unlike the rest of the ship was completely black, it was so dark that I couldn't see five feet in front of me, at the front of the door there were small red lights that illuminated the walkway but they soon dissipated as I was dragged further in. 

As soon as we reached the middle of the room Kylo threw me on the ground, and as soon as I hit the ground there was a bright blaze of light that all the sudden appeared that seemed to highlight the strange man that had seemingly materialized out of nowhere. This man was completely demonic, the aura around him completely swallowed me.

"Well well well, this was the girl that Kylo told me about" he had a completely authentic laugh as if he truly thought I was nothing. "You look like the scared little girl you truly are", I started laughing "for you to think of me as something truly harmless when you can't even show yourself in the flesh is truly amusing" Kylo turned to me, I felt he was truly surprised by what I had said. This seemed to anger the man "why you little..." all the sudden I was thrust violently in the air and the air in my lungs started to feel like it was being sucked out of me, I was choking, "I would watch your tongue little girl, for I am the supreme-leader Snoke" he said that with complete confidence, he had then dropped me, I fell hard, there was a huge jolt growing up my legs and they buckled under me, I began to try and breath again, my mouth felt like sand was just poured down my throat.

"I'm sorry, but who?", the man or should I say Snoke did not look amused at my answer. "Very feisty I see, I can sense the force is strong within you, you were right to bring her to me Kylo", "but I can also sense something else within you Taegyn, something dark, not quite conflict but there is darkness" I looked at him amused "Snoke, right?, well sorry to disappoint but there is no darkness in me", he completely ignored me and turned to Kylo, "we will use this to our advantage, we will train her, make her turn to the darkness inside of her, and then we will use her to defeat Rey and the rest of the Resistance", I had looked up completely shocked, "what?"


	3. Chapter 3

I stood up on my feet and actually started to laugh again, you would think I would have learned my lesson but I didn't, "wait a minute....you actually think I would fight for you" I think I started laughing so hard that tears pricked at my eyes. I actually think I'm falling deep into insanity. "I think you have completely gone nuts!" I started to chuckle again, Kylo was looking at me as if to tell me to stop, I should have observed the look he was giving me harder.

All the sudden I was thrown violently into the wall to the left of me, I hit my back so hard that I'm pretty sure I was paralyzed. I had tried to move but I couldn't, my muscles refused to listen to me. "Oh you pathetic child, have you not learned your lesson?", I rolled over in time to watch as Kylo was making his way over to me, don't tell me he's actually going to help me? I tried to push out an anxiety-filled laugh but I couldn't, he had reached down and pulled me to him, rather hard. The wound below my ribs had started to bleed through my shirt and trickled down my stomach.

I think Kylo had felt it through his thick leather gloves because he turned my body towards him and begun to lift my shirt. I had realized what he was doing and begun to slap his hands away, I would have shoved him away but in all honestly, I think without him supporting my weight I would collapse completely on the floor and I don't think I would be able to get back up. He Had put his hand on my stomach and then began to unwrap my bandage that was filled to the rim with the crimson liquid. He had gotten to the end of what seemed to be an endless stream of white and red and had gotten to my bare stomach.

He had taken off his glove and had placed it into his pocket, he rather awkwardly tried to place it into the sea of the darkness that is his clothes while trying to hold me up, he had touched my stomach with his exposed hands, as soon as he did I felt a storm of electricity across my midriff, I think he felt it too because as soon as he touched me he had withdrawn that touch just as fast. After the initial scare of what had happened, he had placed his hands back on my stomach, they were freezing, goosebumps had littered my skin in his path. It was weird because his aura had changed, I felt it, I had felt his concern?, no I have to be imagining things, Kylo and concern don't belong in the same sentence.

"Well, would you look at that" Snoke had begun to smile, but not a genuine smile, no this smile was full of malicious intent, Kylo had looked up to Snoke, "supreme leader she needs to be taken to the infirmary", as he said that he looked down at me. Snoke had leaned forward, he was so close to me I thought I felt his breath on my skin and a shiver of disgust ran down my spine "This is just a reminder Taegyn, the next time you disrespected me will be your last time, if you refuse to do what you are told, I'll make sure Kylo torments you for the rest of your life", Snoke began laughing again as his hologram started to fade away ever so slowly and as brightly as a star that had drifted past you.

I looked up to Kylo for I had no idea what he was going to do, the large mechanical door opened up, it took me a minute to adjust my eyes because the light coming from the door was so much more intense than the light inside this chamber. A few stormtroopers had stepped into the room and Kylo had thrown me towards them, great now my body was radiating pain, It started at my stomach and ran down each of my individual legs and finally my feet. The stormtroopers had both grabbed at me and started dragging me once again towards the exit.

Kylo had followed close behind us, as soon as I was about to step out of this dark and depressing room there was a man, he was rather short, around my height, he had light red hair and wore an untouched uniform. He had cleared his throat loudly and the stormtroopers stopped right in front of him. "So this is the girl Kylo Ren seems so fascinated by" he took my chin in his hands, " if you weren't rebel scum I'd think you'd be quite beautiful", I had forced my chin out of his hands, "don't. You. Dare. Touch me. Again" I spat every word with complete and utter disgust. Kylo had pushed his way past the stormtroopers and stood in front of me, "commander Hux" I had just noticed how large his figure was, he had blocked my entire view of this "Hux", in fact, his stature was so much bigger than mine that he completely blocked my view entirely.

I had this weird feeling like he was protecting me? As if he was shielding me from Hux, but as soon as I said that it flew out of my mind, there's no way he'd protect me. Kylo had looked over his shoulder at me as if he heard me, or maybe he even knew what I had just thought, wait a minute he does know what I think, that was a part of the "force", I need to stop thinking these things. My feet had started to become completely numb. And it was then that I just remembered I was hurt, Kylo had waved off the stormtroopers and they had begun dragging me back down these seemingly endless halls.


	4. Chapter 4

At this point, I was basically being carried down the halls by the two stormtroopers. My legs had given out on me as soon as we had left Kylo and Hux. It was then that I realized I needed to learn these halls, I needed to focus on them every time I walk down a corridor and which direction I was going, even if they are all completely the same, I need to memorize them in order for me to ever have a chance at escaping.

It was weird, being here in this ship, it was as if time had completely stopped and stood still like time was a nonexistent measurement while I was here. How long have I been here? A day? A week? How long did the resistance, how long did Rey think I was dead?. My thoughts were coursing through my mind and I had trouble focusing on what was going on, my vision started to blur together but what I do know we had gone into a room because the lights were scorching my eyes.

I had heard a voice, a woman I think?, she was yelling at the guards that were carrying me, I can't really make out anything but a few sentences and words, "bleeding out", "set her down", "now!", "Hurry!", "Open your eyes, honey". My vision became obscure for the second time now, but this wasn't the same feeling I had when Kylo knocked me out, no this was completely different. I was scared and alone, I can't hear anything the silence was deafening. Is this what death felt like? Because if this was death I was petrified. I became hysterical, "help me!", "Please!" , "someone anyone please help me!" I finally realized that no one was going to come for me, I for once realized how isolated I truly was.

I had started crying, I had started sobbing and letting out all of my emotions, god I was petrified, frustrated, but what was truly eating me alive was the fear that I had. For myself but mostly the fear that I would never be able to assist the galaxy in defeating the First Order. I was ashamed of myself, I had done absolutely nothing, I was a complete and utter failure, whatever Leia and Rey saw in me they were completely wrong. I finally came to the wounding conclusion that I was nothing, undoubtedly nothing.

I had started to regain control of my body, I could feel it finally. I wasn't dead but the emotional and physical pain that I was in was like death itself. I had slowly opened my eyes only to get blinded by the surgical light above me, "what the" I had started, "oh my god, your alive!". I looked over to the woman standing next to me, she had looked dreadful, her light brown hair was everywhere, there was blood that was splattered all over her crisp white clothes. I knew it wasn't her blood because she didn't seem physically wounded, it was mine. Her green eyes were puffy and enlarged, she was crying? But why? Surely not for me.

"I was so sure you weren't going to make it, they should have rushed you here, but of course those halfwits asshats had taken their sweet time!", the whole time she was speaking to me I was smiling, this was the first person that has actually spoken to me, as if I was a real person and not a toy. "I swear if I wasn't a nurse I'd kick their sorry asses..." I had begun to laugh and I mean a laugh that had reached my eyes and heart, I had laughed so hard that my stomach started hurting even worse then what it already was. " Ow Ow Ow", she in turn of my stupidity started laughing at me.

She had started to calm down and then stared at me "I was going to be so sad if you had died" she said, obviously hurt. "Why is that Miss...", I looked at her waiting for her to name herself, "oh my bad dear, I'm Avery, and you are?", she had outstretched her hand for me to shake, "I'm Taegyn", "that's a very pretty name you got there Taegyn, and it's very nice to meet you," she said with a smile. "Well Avery, why were you so sad?", this had intrigued me, she has no idea who I am and yet she cared about me so much it had physically and emotionally affected her. "Well to be perfectly honest with you Taegyn, there really isn't that many women around here, they are kind of scarce", she started giggling and because of this I as well started laughing with her.

I had then thought back to my time on the ship, I had rarely if ever came into contact with another woman, but I was sure there were more, but with the insight, Avery had given me I guess women are truly scarce here. "Well it's truly nice to meet you, Avery, to be honest, your the only person that has been this nice to me", she had looked at me, I could see a flash of sorrow in her eyes as I had admitted this to her. She had then turned to look at the door as if she was trying to make sure no one was there and listening to us.

She had closed our proximity rather quickly as if we were kids again and she was coming up to tell me a secret. "While you were out, a man in a dark uniform had actually come in and sat here", she had pointed to a chair right next to me, "and had asked about your condition, he had also waited here for who knows how long to see if your condition would get any better" I was stunned at what she said, Kylo? There's no way? Why did he do that? he had to have only wanted to gain something from this, "he actually just left right before you woke up". There's no way it was Kylo, "Avery what did this man look like?", she had looked up from me, as if in thought, "he had dark curly hair that had come to his shoulders, he had a scar that looked like it started under his right eye and ended around his neck I think?" I had sat up, completely forgetting and at that moment not caring that I was wounded.

The Kylo Ren had sat next to me for hours waiting for me, The man who had murdered his own Father, who had killed hundreds of people, the one man who was the epitome of evil, a malevolent, immoral man had come to me. But why?, there was no way I was going to let this affect me or even waver my thoughts about him.


	5. Chapter 5

I had woken up abruptly, I was shaking and sweating. I was having a nightmare, I had turned to look around for Avery but she wasn't there, the white walls and slow beeping of the heart monitor were replaced with the room I was locked into before I was in the Infirmary. I was undeniably disappointed, the one friend I had managed to make wasn't with me, we couldn't have a laughing fit anymore, I would wake up from my nightmares and in order to help me go back to sleep, Avery would talk about her life, especially the outrageously funny things that have happened to her. When she talked about her past it calmed me, I couldn't explain why but it just made me feel so much better about my circumstances.

I had looked around the room, I still couldn't tell if it was morning or night, but I guess it really doesn't matter being on a ship in the middle of space. For mornings and nights blended together to form long tiring days altogether. I had gotten up from my cot in the corner, which was somehow fixed from when I had ripped it apart. I had walked over to the small mirror again, I had sworn each time I looked in the mirror I begin to look more grotesque, I was in desperate need of a shower, my tank top was beginning to become baggy because it hadn't been washed. I had begun to actually look around my room, more like feel my room because I still couldn't see a thing.

I had run my hand over the wall opposite of my cot and I had felt a door but there wasn't a doorknob present, there wasn't a keypad, this door was completely missing a way of getting into the room beyond this wall. "I really hope this is a bathroom". I had begun to look around my room to try and find something, anything to pry open the door, but there was nothing, I had started to become frustrated, "why the fuck would you put a door here if you can't open it!" I was livid at this point.

I had gotten so angry at the door, I was focusing all of my frustration on this, all my anger and sadness, I felt like I projected it towards the door. All a sudden it was violently thrust upwards, I was dumbfounded as to how I had managed to open it. I had sat there and looked at it, I stumbled back from what I had just witnessed. I had taken a long hard look at my hands, did I do that? I couldn't have, imagining all the ways that I could have possibly unlocked this door. And then I had thought back to what Snoke and Kylo had both told me, what they have both showed me. "So this was the force they both had talked about" at least it had to be because I had no other explanation.

I had put one foot in the door frame and the room came to life, the light-filled the entire room from ceiling to floor. It was terribly bright, in fact, bright enough to illuminate nearly my whole room, "what kind of idiot decided that the bathroom needed light like this but not the bedroom"the people around here are complete jackasses. I had placed my other foot on the cool tile that ran throughout the whole length of the room, my suspicions were confirmed, for this is a bathroom. I was slightly happy because I could do something that I've always been fond of, which especially makes me feel better, taking a shower.

I had started to remove my appalling clothing, for they started to smell. I had looked around the room for all of my necessities, there were towels, there were a brush and a hairdryer, toothbrush and toothpaste literally everything I've needed for however long I've been here, "you've got to be kidding, I had all of this and that asshole didn't tell me, of course, he wouldn't" I rolled my eyes and stepped into the shower. I had immediately turned the shower knob all the way to the hottest setting, the shower sprung to life, the heat from the water had flowed all over my body consuming me in a blanket of warmth. I had sighed in happiness, I had taken the soap and started washing my body, I was extra careful to wash around my wound for it still stung every now and then.

After I had scrubbed literally the top layer skin off my body because of how disgusting I had felt I then proceeded to grab the rose-scented shampoo and conditioner, I had scrubbed my scalp, making sure the dirt was all washed out. I was in there for about an hour maybe more, I had stepped out and felt completely stupid, "I don't have any new clothes and I'm sure as hell not putting on the old ones" I had sighed in frustration once again, "he's probably going to kill me but I honestly don't care anymore", I had grabbed a towel and covered up as much of my body as I could. I had walked to the front door to my "room", I had put my ear to the door to listen for any sign of life so I don't have to resort to what I was thinking. "Well, shit" I'm going to regret this.

I had pulled my head from off the door and stepped back a bit, I had taken a deep breath, "KYLO", "KYLO", I had then preceded to bang on my door as hard as I could, "KYLO FUCKING REN", I kept on banging and banging for a number of minutes until the door flew open and Kylo Ren stood in front of me completely livid, I had looked at him for a bit considering this is the only time I think I've ever seen him without his robe, he was in a black tee-shirt and some black joggers, for some reason his presence felt different like he was different, I know that maybe it's just because I wasn't used to him in different clothes but it was as if he wasn't confined? as if without his mask, without his robe his entire being was different. I had to admit he looked pretty attractive, but as soon as that thought slipped into my mind he had stepped into my room, he stopped right in front of me. Anger was radiating off of him just like how heat radiated off the sun. I wasn't scared of him for once and this shocked myself, I think it was because he wasn't wearing his suit or his mask and he looked human and not like a monster.

"What. Do. You. Think. You. Are. Doing!" each word that came out of his mouth was laced with venom, well I take that back a monster in human skin. "I need clothes because it was someone's bright idea to never give me any" I had rolled my eyes at him, "that's because no one thought you would live long enough." Well, that was a bit harsh. But it was as if the words just registered into his brain because he looked down at me, he had looked at me from head to toe, I was blushing uncontrollably, and yet I wasn't uncomfortable either. After he had stopped studying my figure he had looked me in the eyes. "Follow me, and don't you dare wander off or you will end up in that infirmary again." He had turned his back and started to walk down the halls. Well, this was just fucking brilliant Taegyn, you're going to have to walk down the halls in only a towel. 

We were walking down the long corridors once again, this time I made sure to take notes on where we are going, we had passed the occasional guard but it seems as most people are asleep, I was extremely grateful I chose this time to do this, that way no one would see me, he had taken a sharp right into a small room with clothes lined all over the walls, he had taken several stacks of clothes, Night clothes, day clothes, training clothes. He had walked out of the door and waited for me to walk with him. "Umm Kylo I think your missing something.....", he had turned to look at me in the eyes again, anger still relevant in them. "What. Is. It.", shit how do I explain to him I need underwear without telling him.

He had looked right into my eyes and sighed angrily, he turned back into the room and went the very back, this time he had come out with a ton of underwear and some bras, he was completely bright red, looking like a boy, he had tossed that pile to me and started to speed walk back to my "room", crap I had totally forgotten this idiot could read my mind. As soon as we got back he tossed all the clothes he had in his hands onto my cot, I had done the same with my pile.

As he was about to walk out of my room he had stopped, this time the anger in his voice seemed to diminish, probably because he was tired and I had woken him up, maybe he was just tired of arguing right now. "We start training tomorrow so be prepared and up early, and don't make me have to fetch you, I promise you, you will not like me." "Since when do I actually like you", that had slipped out without me even thinking. He had turned towards me, he's now facing me and I feel like a complete idiot, I knew that would have made him angry, I was ready for whatever he was going to do. "You forget Taegyn, I can read your mind, especially when your guard is down" he had turned and walked out of my room, Fuck he totally knew I found him somewhat attractive. I'm an idiot a complete idiot.


	6. Chapter 6

I had grabbed all the clothes Kylo had handed me and walked over to the drawers just under the mirror. I had placed them all in the same piles they were originally given to me in, nightclothes, day clothes, and training. I had saved the top drawer for my underwear and bras. I had peeled off the towel that was stuck to my skin, that was now dry. I had laid out a pair of clothes for tomorrow that consisted of a tank top, leggings, underwear and of course the shoes that I had. I had then begun to pull out clothes that I can lounge around in.

After pulling on a matching pair of satin black pajamas consisting of a pair of small shorts and a cami, I had walked into the bathroom and started pulling my bright blonde hair into two Dutch braids. As I was doing so I had started to hum a song I knew from my childhood. This was complete nostalgia for me, it's sucked me back to when I was little, my dad would sing this to me when he was in absolute bliss, whether it was just walking around the fields outside of our house with my small hand in his, or if that was dancing around the house trying to cheer me up. I was happy, but I was also completely naïve.

One day I was waiting for him to come home, I had waited all day and it had started to become dusk, I had become so sleepy but I was willing to patiently wait for him, he should have been home, I had a feeling something was wrong but I had fallen asleep anyway. I had woken up the next day and he never came back. As if he was just a fleeting memory in my life, there and then not, as he had vanished. I had never gotten an explanation, not a goodbye, nothing from him. Do you know what the absolute worst part of it was? I don't remember his face, what he looked like, only his voice.

I had sighed heavily, my heart already hurts so much but thinking about him makes everything just a bit more dreadful, I was pathetic, I need to stop feeling, I have to learn to put my walls up and keep them up especially while I'm here, I don't need Kylo or even Snoke knowing how I feel and turning my feelings into anguish. I had walked over to my bed realizing I had no idea what time it was, "how am I supposed to know what time training starts?" I looked around my room for a clock but there wasn't one, "so what I'm supposed to sit here for hours waiting for whenever it started?"

I had sat there waiting for what seemed like hours, which in reality probably was. At some point, I had fallen asleep, which in hindsight was an awful decision knowing what the consequences were. I was all the sudden abruptly thrown off of my bed and onto the floor hard, "holy shit" I had started groaning in agony, knowing exactly who had done this I didn't even turn towards him. "I had told you I would not fetch you, and yet here I am", the robotic tone of his voice was laced with venom. I had started to get up off the floor when he forced grabbed me and dragged me ever so close to him, so close in fact I felt as if he was touching me, but barely because of this I had started to get goosebumps all over my body, my attire not helping much considering what I was in.

"There wasn't a clock and you hadn't told me what time it started how was I supposed to know?!" I was furious, he knew I didn't have a clock and he also knew he never told me when to be ready. "I will be sure to have guards posted at your door to wake you up every day." He was livid I had talked back to him. Well at least I was going to have company, he had dropped me back on the ground and started walking down the hall, I had started to grab at my clothes but I was being forced down the halls behind him, "you have wasted enough time already", "so what I have to train in my pajamas?", he had stopped and turned to me obviously annoyed, "you wouldn't be if you would have done what you were told".

He had dropped me to the floor again but this time it wasn't as violently as before, this time I was able to land on my feet. As soon as my bare feet touched the slick tiled floor I shivered, that shiver had run through my whole body, Kylo noticed because he had dropped his head slightly to my chest and further down my body, as he knew exactly where the shiver was and where it was going. As soon as his eyes landed on my body I wasn't cold anymore, there was a blaze set afire by his action. While his head was traveling back up to my face there was a set of stormtroopers walking down the halls towards us.

I had stuck my head out from behind Kylo, in the middle between the stormtroopers was Hux. He had come right up to us, "Kylo" he had kind of bowed his head in submission. He had then turned his head around Kylo and looked at me, "and my my, Taegyn, you look quite... seductive", he had begun to rake his eyes over my body, this time I had shivered in disgust, unlike the way Kylo's eyes made me feel. He had kept his eyes on my chest longer than normal, Kylo had stepped in front of me almost like he was shielding my body from Hux for the second time.

"Commander Hux, you should be on your way, you have work to do", Hux looked up from me to Kylo and then back down to me. He had smiled a wicked grin and then went on his way. Kylo then turned and looked at me "follow me", he wasn't angry like he was a moment ago?, I had tried to keep up with his long stride but obviously falling behind. As soon as I did catch up he had turned into quite a large room, control panels lined the walls and lights filled the room. "This is where we will be training, we will meet here every day, we need to catch you up because you're obviously behind".

"Every day?! Do you mean to tell me we are doing this every day? why are we rushing, I'm sure there's a ton you have to "teach" me". He had begun to take off his robe and threw it on a control panel and placed his mask down next to it. I began to truly observe him, he looked so much younger then what I had thought, he had to be in his mid 20's at most early 30's. He looked like a man with boyish features, immature for sure. He had taken hold of my arms and pulled me into the middle of the room. He had begun circling me, like a predator to his prey, he was studying my features, my skin felt like it was on fire. "We will start with the basics, mind reading, you have to learn to put up a guard because I've been able to read your thoughts since the moment you stepped on this ship". "And how am I supposed to do that", I had begun to feel something dig into my mind like something was reaching into my memories.

"you were abandoned when you were little, the sadness has eaten you alive your whole life, you've had this anger growing inside of you, it started when your dad left....", I was completely stunned, frozen to my spot, how?, "Kylo get out of my head!", "then push me away Taegyn", "the sad part is you never knew your mother, you thought she had abandoned you since birth with not a care." I was getting angry, so angry he could easily see my past and know what I felt. "Kylo stop it!" I was starting to tear up. He took one more circle around my body and came face to face with me. "Taegyn you have to force me away, push me away, block me out, use your anger", he had put his arms on my shoulder and I looked deep into his eyes.

I could see the entirety of who he is, the dark side that's embedded into his soul, but deep down his temptation by the light side. "Taegyn get out of my head! you were supposed to push me away!" He began to back away from me. I could see his past, his memories, one in particular that stood out to me was the night a figure had tried to kill him, he felt betrayed and scared, the human emotions that he was feeling, they started to overwhelm me, I could feel his pain and it, it, to be honest, scared me. And as soon as I was able to slip into his mind I was just as quickly pushed back out.


	7. Chapter 7

Kylo had taken his lightsaber off of his belt and had pushed past me, the force of his shove had me clenching my eyes shut, thinking I'm about to hit the ground. As my eyes shut for that split millisecond when I did think I was going to fall I saw him. He was standing over me his green lightsaber had flickered all around the small hut I was in, the buzzing sound breaking the quiet of the night. I felt petrified looking up into his blue anger filled eyes. I had opened my eyes back up, the only thought on my mind is that I needed to follow him, to tell him I was sorry, I had felt horrible, I shouldn't have done it, and yet at the same time I was confused, why did I want to say I was sorry when he was doing the exact same to me.

I had run down the hall following that path that his anger had created. I had ended up in front of a door, stormtroopers guarding them, "sorry ma'am but you can't go in there", "and why is that?" I had looked between the two, Using what Kylo had just shown me I had begun to read their thoughts, 'because he's having one of those crybaby temper tantrums'. I had looked at them "I wouldn't think like that if I were you, that "crybaby" could kill you in 2.3 seconds", the ones who's mind I had read had gulped really loud. "Now let me through." As soon as those words had left my mouth, I herd him, he was destroying the entire room, screaming at the walls. Letting his frustrations be known to the world.

Out of fear the guards had moved out of the way and let me pass, the door had been sucked up and was swallowed by the ceiling. I had put one foot in the room and that's when I saw the full potential of his anger, the room had been completely destroyed, the walls and the control panels were smoking, the lights were completely shattered, I had walked forward into the room and the door behind me closed abruptly. His back was facing me, even with his clothes on I could tell he was tense. "Go away Taegyn!" I had walked forward a bit until I was a few inches away from him, I had started to reach my hand out, I placed it on his back ever so lightly.

Kylo had spun around as fast as light. He had aimed his lightsaber right at my neck, the heat coming off the red beam of light had me sweating, but I was probably sweating because I was anxious because, in all honesty, I didn't know if he would kill me if he could kill me. That's when I looked down and now my hand was resting on his chest. I can feel the body heat radiating off of him through his clothes, the goosebumps had started to make their return up my arms. I had decided to be brave, I knew he wouldn't hurt me, In fact, he couldn't, he needed me.

Maybe I was stupid, maybe being here had made me lose my mind completely. I had reached out and put both of my hands on his chest. His body has seemed to relax under my touch, as soon as I had put my other hand on him his lightsaber had turned off. "Oh Kylo", my voice was so soft and sincere, I had felt as if I hadn't spoken at all. He had dropped his lightsaber and begun to slowly put his hands on my waist. I didn't know what I was going to say, I was at a loss for words, this little action had made me speechless.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." 'Why am I feeling this way?', I had just heard his thoughts, Kylo had let his guard down. "I can feel it too". When I had said this he had pushed me away, not as hard as he would usually. "Get out". His voice wasn't angry but I could tell he meant it, "don't push me away Kylo" he had turned his back on me again, "Taegyn don't make me tell you again".

"Fine!", I had turned my back on him and started to walk towards the door. It had opened up, and the guards were all crowded around, I was livid, he had finally shown any form emotions besides anger and of course, he had to push me away, I was stupid, it's Kylo Ren for god's sake, the fact that I had any hope whatsoever was childish. I had thrown every single stormtrooper that was in front of me down the hall. Without even a second thought as to the fact that I could have hurt them, their well-beings didn't matter to me, but the hurt and rejection I had felt did, I had witnessed a small feat of that he went through, he was just a child he didn't know any better, I thought that maybe there was a chance, a small chance that I could help him find his way.

I had begun walking down the halls, I was trying to find my room but every single door I had come across was wrong, I was getting even more frustrated, "for fucks sake this stupid ship", I had been emotionally drained, I had leaned against the wall and started to slide down it, I had tucked my knees against my chest. "Since when did I become such a wimp". I would have totally taken this advantage to escape, but I needed to study this place first and getting lost doesn't help. I need to get them to trust me that way I can plan my escape more efficiently and effectively. They wouldn't even know I was gone.

I decided I would let Kylo train me and as soon I knew I was strong enough I would overpower him, I would do everything I can, I just hope I'll have the courage to do it.


	8. Chapter 8

I don't know when but I think I had fallen asleep, I started to dream about D'Qar, the planet where I had actually met the resistance, where I had met Leia and Rey. The planet was covered in luscious green forests and I was running through the trees, zipping ever so fast and the sun, how brightly it shined on my skin, keeping me warm, but D'Qar also reminded me of my home planet which had also been the birth planet of my father, it as well had forests that stretched for miles, the sun had also shined brightly on me and humans had lived all around you, I guess one could say this planet was undiversified.

I had then thought back to the resistance, or more specificity what I had called them, my family, Rey was like a sister I never had, were friends, I guess you could say our main bonding point would be the fact neither of us remembered our parents, Poe had always managed to make me smile no matter what had happened, he had helped me hold onto hope. Chewy, even if at times I couldn't understand him I had still loved him unconditionally for he was always there for me. And Leia, I can just imagine her face like I had seen her yesterday, her slightly graying brown hair, the wrinkles that scattered her face, especially around her eyes when she had smiled. Her eyes, a shade of light brown with a hue of happiness around them, it's like she knew deep down things were always going to turn out okay, and with just one look into her eyes I knew everything was okay, I'd feel safe.

Leia was not a mother figure to me, no she was my mother, she had taken care of me, fed me, taught so much in the little time she knew me. When I had gotten hurt or the various times I was thrust into danger she was always there waiting for me, her heartbeat pausing every time as if waiting for me to be okay before she could live on, the tears in her eyes when I had hurt myself so many times, I can't even imagine what she was feeling right now, thinking I was dead, it was probably killing her just as much it's killing me being away from her.

I had jolted awake, I was sweating, my chest rising with every hearty breath I took, sweat was dripping down the curves and contours of my body at the sudden movements. I had pushed myself up on my cot into a sitting position, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes when I had felt it, someone was watching me. I had slowly looked up, my hair momentarily blocking my view. Kylo was sitting next to the door, leaning his elbows on his knees, I had noticed his robe and mask were missing which seemed to be a commonality whenever he was around me, even though he knew I had seen him his eyes never left me. "I had come here to tell you Snoke has requested your presence".

I had thrown my legs over my bed and walked over to the mirror, looking back at him through it, his eyes followed my frame with every movement it made. I had begun pulling out clothes when he had stood up and taken a half step towards me, "your dreams...", he had said it more like a statement than a question. "As soon as Snoke is finished with you we are training" and then he abruptly stormed out of my room.

I had let out the breath I didn't even know I was holding. I had taken out a short sleeve shirt and some tight black leather jeans and set them on top of the dresser and walked into the bathroom to take a shower. I had stepped out and begun pulling my hair into 2 Dutch braids. What would Snoke even want with me anyway? We had just started training so I haven't improved much. I had pulled out the dog tags I had taken a while ago from a planet and threw them over my neck with ease.

I had taken a step out of my room and there sat two stormtroopers just as Kylo had promised. "We are here to escort you to supreme leader Snoke", "well then lead the way guys". They had begun to walk down the halls with me in the middle. After a bit of walking we had ended up in front of those huge mechanical doors once again, the guards had pushed them opened and waited for me to walk in, I had noticed Kylo was in the middle and already standing in front of Snoke, this time Kylo was wearing his mask again.

They had both looked up to me as I walked into the room, "ah Taegyn nice of you to grace us with your presence", I had looked up to Snoke, "what were you waiting on me or something?" I don't know where I always get this confidence from when speaking to Snoke when I should be frightened for my life. Snoke had then turned his attention to Kylo who had his attention on me. " well well well, now this, this is just perfect" Snoke had leaned back in this chair, Kylo and i had both turned our heads to him while he had begun laughing uncontrollably. "I'm most disappointed in you Kylo", "you have grown compassion for this woman" I had moved my eyes back on Kylo, "you have become weak and stupid, I'm disappointed and disgusted with you". Kylo had knelt down, his face to the floor.

"In the end, it does not matter supreme leader for I will do what I had been born to do, I will destroy the resistance and anyone who stands in my way", "I will train and use her to aid our cause, in the end, she will die anyway". Kylo had stood and looked back up to Snoke. I wanted to scream at both of them, I had wanted to voice my opinions loud and clear, how I would never aid them and they'd have to kill me, but I needed them to trust me so I had sat there quietly. But I was also livid at Kylo I don't know if it was pointed at the fact that had basically said he would kill me or because I had actually thought that Kylo would change, that even after everything he's done and everyone he has killed that he would find a way to fight for the light that was in him.

Kylo had turned on his heel and begun to walk towards the door, I had started to follow behind, "oh and Taegyn" I had halfway turned back to Snoke, "the darkness inside of you, it's grown and it will soon consume you" as Snoke's hologram begun fading away he had belted out laughing, the venom and darkness that it held made my body shiver, I had turned my back on him and walked out the door, I had turned left and right looking for the figure I had known all so well but he wasn't there. As if the guards knew I was lost and confused both looked at me, "Kylo Ren had told us to escort you to training", and then began walking down the hallway to my left, "wait a minute, the training room is to the right though?"

Neither one of them had answered me but instead continued to walk as if I hadn't spoken a word. I mindlessly followed behind anyway. We were winding and turning through the halls that I had unrecognized. This was a new part of the ship, a part I haven't seen. The stormtroopers had then stopped in front of two large metal doors, almost like hanger doors. And I was right, the doors had opened and revealed a ton of ships lined across the floor. I had begun looking around thoroughly confused as to why the guards brought me here until I saw him. He was standing in front of a transport ship.

"It's not like I don't like surprises but I'm confused?" I had walked down the stairs and onto the platform the ship was currently residing on. Kylo had then walked around to the back and stepped into the ship without even giving me a second glance nor did he bother to answer me. I had sighed and walked over to the door Kylo had just entered and followed him in. The doors had shut as soon as I entered, the ship had taken off with incredible speed jolting me forward a bit by the act.

My eyes had begun wondering over to the window, it was completely black, stars had littered the sky, it was absolutely beautiful, I hadn't ever taken the time to appreciate my surroundings especially the incredible beauty that is space. The ship had landed in no time and Kylo had made his way to the doors but just before he had walked through them he had taken off his helmet and looked back at me, "I'm going to teach you combat skills, hand to hand but also with a lightsaber." "I get my own lightsaber?" I was actually very happy, I've always wondered what it would be like to handle one, the power one must hold, I know when Rey had carried hers the power coming from her was extraordinary.

"How else are you supposed to learn, to fight with me?", he had grabbed two lightsaber handles and walked off the ship. I had stood there in the doorway and I was scared? This is the first time since I was taken that I had actually been allowed off the ship, and standing here looking out the window I was scared but it thrilled me. The doors to the ship opened up and I was smacked in the face by sunlight, I had run off the ship, I was so happy to feel it on my skin again, the warmth had hugged all around me, I had then looked at the ground, it had a reddish-orange tint to it and by the feeling, I was getting that I was sinking I concluded quite quickly that it was sand.

I had literally wanted to throw myself to the ground and play in the sand that's how excited I was but I had decided against it considering Kylo was watching me the entire time. "We will start off with hand to hand, I want to know if you can fight and protect yourself without the protection of a lightsaber or even me." He had walked up to me and stood right in front of me, his mood had totally changed, standing in my view he looked almost at peace maybe even happy, he had reached his hand out and placed it on my cheek and raised my head towards him. I was stunned, Kylo has never shown affection for me before, at least not a simple action like this. I had put my hand on top of his out of instinct, "Kylo, I..."

I couldn't even finish my sentence because he had taken my body and thrown it on the ground, he was on top of me straddling me within seconds. "You need to focus Taegyn, you can't let your guard down, I could have killed you easily." I was angry, he had begun to get off of me when I had pushed him over to the side and got on top of him, I had my hands in his, holding them above his head. My turn. I had leaned my chest on top of his, closing the space between us completely. I had hovered my face over his. He was completely shocked and in all honesty, so was i.

I was so close to him I could feel his breath fan my face. I had sat there on top of him for a bit and then leaned in and whispered: "shame Kylo, I could have killed you, you let your guard down."


	9. Chapter 9

This time it was Kylo's turn to be mad, he had shoved me off of him and I had started rolling down the small hill the ship had landed on. The sand was getting in my mouth and places sand should never go. I was covered and livid, I had slowly started to get up while shaking out the sand in my hair meanwhile Kylo had already gotten up and had patiently waited for me. "Use that anger Taegyn", "oh I'll use that anger and shove it right up your.." Kylo had thrown a lightsaber and I had caught it with ease. As soon as my hands touched the black metal end it lit up as bright as the sun. I was stunned and stood in awe.

It was a bright red color that had lit up around me, consuming me in its glow. As I was standing there admiring the lightsaber Kylo had other plans, he had jumped off the small hill I had just rolled down moments ago and thrashed his lightsaber at my head, the force behind this action alone had taken my breath away. I had thrown mine in front of him to protect myself. He was using all of his force and pushed down hard, my arms began to shake but I had started to push back with all of my might, we had stood there, a fight of will until I had decided to drop down to the ground and swipe my leg hitting the back of his knees, Kylo not expecting this falls to the ground and I had backed up and braced for impact once again.

We had fought each other for hours, neither one of us truly winning. I was so tired and my muscles ached for a shower. I had sat down on the sand and laid my back against the lump. I had looked up at the sky and was stunned and speechless, the stars were beautiful, but they were even more beautiful down here on this planet then in the sky right next to them, I could see colors light up the sky, purples and blues swirled around in harmony. It was truly a sight to see. Kylo had slid down the hill and stood to the side of me. He stuck his hand out for me to take and I did instantly, as soon as he pulled me up he looked at my face and I looked at his.

Even though he had already lifted me off the ground he still had his hand around mine but I wasn't complaining, I liked the feeling his hands gave me when they touched me, the electricity that coursed through me had eased the pain in my back and legs, just his touch made me feel so much better, it confused me, I didn't understand it but I also didn't want to. We had just stared at each other, neither one of us wanting or willing to break the connection but one of us had too or we'd be here all night, I had taken out the lightsaber he had given me to train and began to hand it back to him.

He had shaken his head at me slightly smiling, "The lightsaber is yours", I had looked down at the black handle and smiled at it, it's mine, my lightsaber. Kylo had then pulled my arm that he was still attached too, he was helping me get up the hill without falling because knowing myself I would probably face plant halfway up. As soon as we stepped on the ship Kylo let my hand go, I had begun to feel the cold air around me and begin shivering, it was like as soon as our connection was broken all the heat around me dissipated.

We had arrived back at the ship before Kylo had stepped off the transport shuttle he had put his robe and helmet back on, he had turned to face me "I have to inform Snoke about your progress, I will come to your room for you right after to get you dinner", "okay but hurry up..." he had nodded at me and then disappeared into the ship. I don't think I had told him to hurry up because I was hungry but because I had actually started to miss him? I can't be thinking like that, I shouldn't be thinking like this, what's wrong with me? I have to keep my guard up around him, Taegyn he's killed so many people, he's not good and he'll never be good. That thought alone just darkened my mood, I was sad at that realization but I had to know, no matter what I was feeling Kylo isn't a good person.

I was sitting in my room for about thirty minutes stressing over what to wear, believe it or not, Kylo was going to show me the cafeteria and I highly doubt he's going to eat with me because he is the Kylo Ren so I need to look approachable, I wanted to be able to talk to someone. I had decided on a red off the shoulder ribbed crop and some black skinny jeans with the one pair of black shoes i have. The only other color clothes I had besides black was red. Kind of ironic. As I was finishing brushing my hair out my door was opened and Kylo was there except he was different.

He was wearing a tight black tee, the same pair of black leather pants, and his normal shoes, this might be normal clothing to others but to me, it was quite a change. I guess he thought the same of me because he had eyed me from head to toe hovering over my top and then back up to my eyes. "Come on" and he turned around and started walking away, I had kind of sped walked to catch up with him, "you're having dinner with me?", he had looked at me and smirked, after a while when he didn't answer I assumed he was just ignoring me until we got to the entrance of the cafeteria, no one even spared Kylo a second glance, it was weird, to say the least. He had then turned to me "hardly anyone knows what I look like without the mask and the robe", "oh, well you could have told me that" I had stepped into the room and quite a few male troopers had begun to notice me.

They had begun to start waving me over and yelling at me drawing the attention of almost the entire cafeteria, "come eat with us!" And "hey newbie!", it was weird being noticed like this when I haven't been before. I had started to make my way over to them when Kylo had slid his hand around the small of my back and started guiding me away from them and towards the food station. "Hey I was going to make friends with them" I kind of raised my voice, Kylo had leaned in close to me, his breath hitting my neck and sending shivers down my spine, "they don't just want to be friends with you, this isn't the resistance", I had looked to him, "what do you?....wait a minute..", "I don't even want to know how you came to that conclusion." He had kind of placed his lips into a thin line, to me this was his way of smiling.

We had finally arrived at the food station and there were piles and piles of food, there was mostly a fast spectrum of meat, there's also a vast variety of soups and of course vegetables and fruits. I had grabbed a plate and started to throw on the foods that catch my interest, while I was being picky Kylo had only taken a portion of meat and some type of beverage with a blue tint to it, he had sat down at a table by himself and starting eating when I had made my way over to him. When I had sat down across from him I was disappointed at what he had grabbed and then I had started throwing some of the stuff I thought I'd like onto his plate. "What are you doing?" The question didn't come out rude but confused, "you need more than that, we had trained for hours and you need to get your energy back".

He had looked amused by what I was doing and let me continue to fill his plate until it mirrored mine. I had started off but trying a fruit, as soon as I put it in my mouth I shivered In delight, it was one of the best things I'd ever tasted and without a second thought I had picked up another piece on my fork and shoved in in Kylos face, he was a bit shocked by the gesture but mostly weirded out. I had realized what I was doing, "oh sorry, it's just I liked it and I thought you would too, sorry I'm a complete idiot..." he had stretched his head out and taken the food off the fork, I think this was mostly done to shut me up but I still thought it was quite cute. And the rest of the meal basically consisted of me trying the food, liking it and then shoving into Kylo's face to try.


	10. Chapter 10

After having dinner with Kylo he had walked me back to my room for the night but to be honest I wasn't tired in fact I was even more energized than usual. As soon as we had gotten to the door to my room I had turned towards him, "Kylo?", he had looked up from the floor towards my eyes, "I had a really nice time tonight, thank you" I had meant it wholeheartedly, this was the first time on this ship that I had started to become oddly happy, even if it's the slightest bit of happiness, it was enough for me, to keep me going and fighting on. He had smiled and reached his hand out and placed it ever so lightly on my cheek, a blush had started to find its way to my face, "Me too Taegyn" the electricity crept from my cheek and all the way down my body, I don't think I'll ever get used to that feeling for it surprises me every time. He had stepped back and waited for me to enter my room before he walked towards his, as soon as the door closed I leaned my back against it, I was out of breath and my heart was racing. I had decided then and there that no matter what happens I will try my absolute hardest to save Kylo for he had good in his heart and I saw it firsthand.

It's going to take some time for me to do so but I was willing to do anything even if that meant staying here with him. As I was thinking that light had appeared in the middle of the room, it was bright and fleeting, it was soon replaced with a tall figure with a blue hue to him. This man had shoulder-length hair just like Kylo's except his was much lighter almost a blonde color, and then I noticed the scar on his face, I was actually losing it this time. The figure had looked at me and laughed, "oh no my dear, you haven't gone mad actually quite the opposite, you have reached clarity" the figure spoke with so much authority and confidence. "who are you?" I was confused, I had no idea who this man was and it had scared me, why was he here? he had come closer to me and leaned his hand on my cheek the same way Kylo had just done moments ago, I had starred into his eyes, "I need you to promise me Taegyn", his hand had fallen from my cheek back to his side. "I need you to promise me you will do anything to save him, this isn't who he was meant to be". He had started to move away from me back to the center of the room where he had appeared. "promise me Taegyn" I had looked directly into his eyes, "I promise" as soon as those words left my lips he had disappeared the same way he had entered.

He was talking about Kylo? I had then leaned off the door and had stood in the middle of the room where the man just was, "I promise I will do what I can" I had said with absolute confidence, it was true I was willing to do anything to help him because this isn't who he is, who he's supposed to be. I had then walked over to my dresser and pulled out a large t-shirt and walked into the bathroom to take a shower, I had spent an unusually long time in there, I was thinking of a plan as I was scrubbing my body I still felt the electricity that danced on my skin, I was cold and the hot water was doing absolutely nothing for me. Even before I had decided I was going to save Kylo he had already started to show a change, I was just doing what I felt at the time and I'll continue to do the same, ill follow my heart. I had slipped out of the shower and threw on my underwear and the T-shirt, I had walked over to the mirror and started to braid my hair, I don't know why but I was having a sudden urge to see him before I had even made my mind up I was walking out my door.

I didn't even know where Kylo's room was but it was if something was guiding me to him, pulling me in the right direction, all the sudden my body had stopped right in front of a door, it actually wasn't terribly far from my room and I was surprised I didn't even notice how close we were. Realizing I was right in front of his door I had turned to high tail it back to mine when the door opened up and there he was the same black t-shirt as before except this time he was wearing some shorts, it was almost as if he had known I was there like he could feel it, the same as I did. "umm well..., fuck I don't even know why I'm here", I started to walk away from him and his room when he had reached out grabbed my arm and pulled me into his room. To tell you I was surprised was an understatement, I believe he also shocked himself by the look on his face, the door had closed behind me and with his arm still, on mine, he had begun to stare at me, usually, this would make me uncomfortable but nothing with Kylo was uncomfortable in fact it was the complete opposite, it was familiar, almost like home and it scared me.

As if noticing what he was doing he had released my arm and he had disappeared into the darkness of his room. Every time I have a slight feeling that he would show me who he was he would retreat into the darkness that was himself, I had taken this time to study his room, from what I could see there was absolutely nothing personal in this room, it feels more like a spare bedroom in the sense that nothing was truly his. It was odd to me, this was his home, wasn't it? I had heard footsteps once again and I turned to find Kylo in front of me, I had begun to feel unwelcomed so I had turned to head out of his door and make my way back to my room when I had heard his voice, it was soft, a small whisper, as if I wasn't meant to hear it, but I did. "Don't go" I had turned back around and found myself walking up to his figure and examining his face, his eyes were on the floor and his emotions were clouded, I was being suffocated by them all.

Anger, sadness, confusion had swarmed around him and had clouded his brain. I had spoken, but my voice didn't sound like my own, it was softer as if my lips were betraying my brain, "If you don't want me to go I can stay?" as if he was being pulled out of a trance he had shaken his head violently and began shoving me out of his room, once my feet had touched the tiled floor of the hallway Kylo had looked back up to my face and the aura surrounding his eyes had changed, they had hardened, his voice had made its presence known, with a deep grumble, "I expect you to be on time tomorrow" and without a second thought he had turned back towards his room and the door had shut almost immediately

I was confused by his actions but at this point, nothing surprised me, "Jerk..." I had silently said more to myself than to the door, I walked back towards my room rather slowly before finding my bed and trying my hardest to drift off to sleep, except I couldn't, I could never sleep on this ship, nothing felt right here.


	11. Chapter 11

I had started to wake up from my slumber, As usual, I was never truly satisfied with the amount of sleep that I get, but after all, I am a prisoner here, so to be honest sleep wasn't my main priority anyway. I had decided that I might as well get ready knowing that I really didn't want Kylo to come in here to get me, I had rolled over on the small cot and threw the small cloth that I guess they considered a blanket over my legs. I walked over to my bathroom a took a long hot shower. The only thing that I truly hated about this ship was how all too often I was left with my thoughts, with my memories, they had eaten me alive and consumed my every waking thought. I was watching the water cascade from the sprout, admiring the small raindrops that were falling individually. Slowly it was as if time had started to slow, the raindrops were falling from a higher altitude, the small shower walls had started to dissipate, my heart had quickened, I could hear the thumping in my ears, slowly becoming louder and louder almost causing me to become deaf.

My surroundings had become darker, darker as if all the lights in my room had turned out as if I was no longer there. The cold had begun to slowly creep up my spine, the water was still falling but this time it was all around me, I didn't know what was happening to me, was I going mad? Had I finally lost it? To be honest I wouldn't put it past me. I had slowly begun to sit down on the cold ground, I had brung my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, muffling the sound of my small cries, and shielding my face. Slowly a small voice had begun making its presence known, it started off as a whisper, but became louder as every second passed, "Dad!", "Where are you?" I had recognized the voice instantly, the voice burned a hole in all of my memories, it was me.

It was my voice, I had immediately jerked my head upwards to find the source, there was nothing, no one, the voice became angrier as the time passed, "How could you!", "I didn't need you anyway!" the voices came closer and closer, they were practically yelling in my ears, my breathing began to quicken and anxiety began to devour me. I got off the floor and starting running, running away from the voice when all of a sudden I slipped and fell. The scene around me began to fall apart like shattered glass and my room had filled my vision, I looked around not believing I was here. I stood there and stared at my mirror, looking at myself, my face and my eyes, two large bangs had echoed their way into my room, I jumped in response but I had begun to clam down knowing it was only the guards signaling me to wake up. I let out a huge breath I didn't know I was keeping in and began rummaging through my drawers and pulling out some leather pants and a baggy black t-shirt, I threw my hair into dutch braids and made my way quickly out of the door and towards the training room.

As soon as I found my way to the room I ran in pretty fast just wanting to get this over with, Kylo was at the opposite side of the room pacing back and forth, as soon as he heard my footsteps he had turned towards me "Took you long enough" he had sounded angry and tired, I didn't respond and got straight into my fighting stance Kylo mirrored my moves and came at me full force as if his emotions were on overdrive and he was letting them take control. I was trying to prepare myself, I had readied myself into a defense position, I could tell right away Kylo was not happy and I didn't want to test him, his eyes were dark and full of a spectrum of emotions I couldn't comprehend. He attacked me, I didn't have any time to react, he had taken a shot at my jaw and then to my abdomen. to say I was pissed was an understatement. We had trained for hours after that, not once did we take a break either. This was one of the only ways we could let out our emotions.

I was exhausted and I was drenched in sweat which contrary to popular belief is actually very unattractive but me being me, and also quite fucking stupid took off my shirt, totally forgetting Kylo was in the room, I just wanted to not feel disgusting and that's what the shirt was making me feel. I had turned around and begun to open the door to go back to my room when Kylo's arm came out from behind me and kept it shut, his breath was hitting the exposed skin of my neck, out of instinct I turned around and laid my back against the door when he put his other hand up, trapping me between his body and the wall. My breath had started to quicken along with the movement of my chest, "you're not going out there looking like that", I had looked up into his eyes and realized how serious he was being and I really didn't want to test him, it's not like he cared anyway I'm sure I was just making him very uncomfortable.


	12. Chapter 12

"Fine, fine" I had managed to huff out. he had dropped his arms, his lips had formed into a line, "what's that look for?", he had backed up to give me some space to put my shirt back on, I had walked out the door, fully clothed, and decided I was going to take a shower. Kylo had walked me all the way back to my room.

As soon as the door closed I had stripped out of my clothes and set them on the dresser so they could be cleaned. I walked over to my mirror to inspect my body, there were several bruises that stretched from my stomach and down my legs. I knew training with him was going to be hard but I didn't think I'd come out looking physically defeated. "well these are just fucking cute" I had sighed and turned into the bathroom to get my shower started. As soon as I stepped into the water I felt better, the water was warming my muscles and getting rid of the ache that spread all across my body, I had spent easily an hour in there just standing under the water, I had taken this time to really think, I was wondering the entire time if the resistance were even looking for me? Did they care? No, they had to have been, Leia knew I wasn't dead. Poe would never stop searching for me and Rey, Rey should know. After I had washed my hair and my body I got out and put a bra and matching pair of underwear on, I had turned back to the sink to brush my teeth.

When I finished I had made my way to my dresser to get some nightclothes I had tried for hours to get some sleep, I tossed and turned until I was starting to get angry, I was absolutely exhausted but my body wouldn't let me rest. on instinct I had thrown myself off the bed and grabbed a t-shirt to throw over my body, maybe if I walk around it will calm me down. I was having this overwhelming feeling of dread deep down in the pit of my stomach, maybe It was a warning or maybe a bad feeling but I just pushed my thoughts aside and walked out into the halls, the two guards at my door turned to eye me, "I'll be back... I'm just going to get some water?" I had said that more as a question considering I don't even know what I'm doing. I had started meaninglessly walking down halls, taking left after right and not really paying attention.

I had thought that I was heading towards the cafeteria but I was also pretty sure I was getting lost along the way, at some point I think I had made a huge circle around the ship because I had passed a familiar-looking door, I know it has only been about a week but I really needed to focus on the halls, the doors the entry and exit ways. The door I had passed, it was Kylo's, I didn't know why but for some reason this had always happened to me, for some reason I would always find a way to him, I had never done this consciously but it always piqued my curiosity. Why was I drawn to him? I had stood and just stared at the door for an uneasy amount of time, something didn't feel right, I had pushed this feeling down into the pit of my stomach, maybe I was just going crazy.

I had begun to walk away from his door this time I was actually going to try and find the cafeteria when all the sudden a burst of nausea had hit me like a ton of bricks, I had clung onto the nearest wall for support, my eyes had glossed over, I had shut them waiting for the pain to pass, my hearing had cut out, I needed to find someone. Something was wrong, I had used the last of my strength to push myself off of the wall and started a small jog down the hall when all the sudden the scenery around me began to morph and change, the ground below my feet slowly grew grass, trees had sprouted, it was all happening so fast that my breath was taken away. I had stopped dead in my tracks. The ground began to shake and grumble to life, in the middle of this forest stood a small sand-colored temple, it was burning, the smoke had filled my lungs and the cries had filled my ears. Out of pure instinct, I had rushed towards the temple, towards the small cries that started to fade as I got closer, I ran with everything in me and when I finally breached the tree line, I was petrified.

Bodies of small boys and girls had littered the ground next to the temple, I had run over to as many as I could to see if I could help them, to see if I could save at least one. Tears had started pouring out of my eyes, my ears began ringing with rage, and that's when I heard him. I immediately turned towards the small boy who was screaming out with rage, regret and sadness had completely enveloped him the little boy was running through the field, his brown hair was covering his face, I had ripped myself off of the ground to check on the boy, "Are you okay? What's wrong? What happened?" I had started spitting out questions so fast that I thought maybe the boy didn't understand me, but the boy didn't even look at me like he didn't even acknowledge my presence.

The boy's voice sounded so broken, so shattered, "get up, please!" he was yanking on a little boy's body, "I didn't want this!" he had finally let go of the boy's hand when rage had surrounded his aura, the sadness being pushed down deep inside of him. The little boy had let out a scream of anger that had immediately thrown me back to my knees. The scene had faded away from me, the trees had begun sinking back into the ground, the grass dying and becoming cold Steele, the fire had burned out and the temple had vanished into dust before my eyes. The scene had disappeared and the halls of the ship had erected before my eyes, a ton of stormtroopers were surrounding me. My hearing had begun to fade back in and that's when I had realized I was screaming before I had blacked out I had seen Kylo running down the hall towards my body, his face had shown nothing but pain before I had let the darkness take me.


	13. Chapter 13

I was woken up by a stream of light hitting my face and burning my eyes, "Kylo?" I turned over only to notice he wasn't there, instead, I was in a small cot in the corner of a rather nice light washed room, I instantly threw back the covers over me and slid off the bed and towards the large open window. When I finally made it to the window I noticed right away I wasn't anywhere on the ship, I was on a planet one covered with trees and the sun had shone brightly, the glow of warmth had wrapped around me, I had leaned out the window and saw that the property I was in was at the top of a cliff and the water below me was crystal clear, I could clearly hear the waves crashing against the cliff and the water breaking apart at the surface, it was absolutely beautiful. I stood there in awe when I heard the door to my room had made a creaking sound as the wood was pushed opened, I turned around immediately to get some answers from the person who had made themselves known, except when I did my face light up right away, excitement and a sense of happiness had coursed through my veins. "Leia!" I screamed with pure joy she had chucked a bit as she caught me in her arms, "oh my dear child how have you been?" I was absolutely ecstatic to see her, for her to be here in the flesh and in my arms.

"Leia what do you mean how am I? How are you?" I pulled back to examine her face, lines of worry had made their way to her forehead and frown lines near her mouth presenting her as much older then what she is. She smiled softly at me "Listen, child..." she began pulling me by the arm towards the bed I had just woken upon moments ago, she sat down and pulled me with her, she sighed rather heavily "This was the only way I could reach you, for a while I thought you were dead, but I had a feeling deep down, even after everything I had a feeling you were alive" I sat there silently waiting for her to finish what she had to say before I even made a move to speak. "We are looking for you, and we will rescue you I swear Taegyn, so please hang on a little longer" she looked at me in the eyes, hers had become increasingly duller, I tilted my head at her, "Leia how are you contacting me?" she looked down at her hands around mine, "I'm using the force and since you yourself are a force user, we can communicate" I had looked at her a bit confused for a minute, "did you know?" she looked back up to my face and smiled, "I had a feeling". Her smile vanished as soon as it had appeared, "I know you were captured by the First Order, it's going to take some time to get the resources and people together to come to get you, but Rey seems adamant to get you back".

"Leia, you cannot come looking for me" she seemed shocked by what I said, hell I would have been shocked if I were in her position. "What do you mean honey?"I smiled warmly at her making sure she knew what I was going to say was the truth, "During my time with the First Order, I have gotten rather, close? I guess you would say, With...someone", I hadn't had the heart to tell her about Kylo, at least not yet, not until I knew he was ready. she jumped away immediately from me and her hands shot up towards her mouth, "Do you mean to tell me you have turned? To the..", I didn't let her finish as I rushed up to her and pulled her into a hug, "Of course not, I would never" Leia had slowly wrapped her arms around me, "But I feel the conflict in you child" she pulled back and held my face in her hands, " I don't need you to come to get me because I will come to you" she had looked at me confused once more "I don't know how but I have managed to change Kylo Ren, he has compassion and fear, I can feel the conflict within him but I can also sense the light, its growing Leia, maybe he's the key, he can shift the balance in our favor" her eyes had fallen from my face and she started to shake her head, "Kylo will forever be lost" this time I grabbed her face so that she could look me in the eyes, so I can show her. "He has not, I can show you" and that's when I began replaying all the memories of me and Kylo, training, the lunchroom, everything about Kylo I replayed to her.

As soon as I was finished she looked up to me and smiled and I mean really smiled one that reached her eyes and her heart, she began crying but it wasn't out of sadness but out of happiness. "Oh, my dear" she couldn't even speak a sentence because she was crying so much. "I trust you, I won't come looking for you" she placed her hand on my cheek, I reached up and placed my hand on top of hers, the scene around me had turned to dust, and Leia had vanished. When I had opened my eyes the lights above me had started to blind me, I had groaned and rolled over trying to shield my face. "Taegyn?" I had slowly pulled my face from the pillow, immediately knowing the voice and throwing on a smile, "Avery!" I had leaped out of the small bed and thrown myself onto her, she began laughing right away at my actions and threw her arms around me out of instinct. After our brief reunion hug, I had pulled back and examined her face, she seemed more tired than the last I saw her, she took a long look at my face "I've missed you" I smiled brightly at her and hugged her once again before sitting back on the small cot, my head starting to become fuzzy.

Avery had pulled up a small metal chair next to me, "Taegyn?" she had started but become silent as if she had lost her word for a moment, I looked up from the ground and back up to her face, slightly worried I answered her with a rather quiet "yes?" and had straightened her back to look more professional but also still very much so inviting, "What happened to you?" she asked me trying desperately to hide her curiosity, I had sighed and began to move off of the cot, "to be completely honest Avery, I don't know... It was all so fast, it felt like a terrible dream" I didn't know how to explain it to her without sounding absolutely insane. I think she knew I had wanted to tell her but just not yet... hell, what even was that? Avery had inspected my clothing and laughed, "Why don't we get you some real clothes?" I had looked down at myself completely horrified, I looked back up to Avery, "Don't tell me I flashed all of those stormtroopers!?" she had started crying because of how hard she was laughing, "Well were any of them at least cute?" She had handed me some clothes that were previously resting on a small ledge next to the door of the room, just looking at them I could tell they were not mine but I wasn't complaining because they were actually pretty comfortable and a bit cute might I say. Every article of clothing Avery handed me was blanketed in black, the top consisted of a cross pattern which was held together by a belt, which also had a thick leather loop that held my lightsaber in place, the pants were tight leather jeans, the clothes Avery handed me were also accompanied by some black boots and gloves. 

After Avery was done laughing at me, she yanked me out of the room by my arm, basically dragging me down the halls, "You know Avery I love getting dragged, it's my choice fetish" I winked at her, "but Taegyn I thought your fetish was feet?" I had gasped at what she just said to me, I bent down with my hands on my knees, "I think I'm going to puke..." exaggerating and making sure to add a fake puking sound to make it believable, she had grabbed my arm and started dragging me when I had banged my body into a wall, "seriously Avery, first you kink shame me and then you drag me into a wall?" I said looking at her but she wasn't looking at me, instead, she was looking in front of me, I had slowly turned around and realized the 'wall' i ran into was Kylo. The two stormtroopers behind Kylo had started laughing at what I had just said, "oh Kylo, um, hi?" I didn't know what to say, he had passed by me coldly, making sure to brush his arm against mine. The only thing I heard was the mechanical breathing of his mask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys, I hope you're enjoying the story so far, please don't be afraid to let me know what you think! thanks!


	14. Chapter 14

Kylo didn't even spare me a second glance, as if my presence wasn't something to take notice of. To say I was hurt by his small act of dismission would be an understatement, this wouldn't hurt as much but the fact was not too long ago I was just in an infirmary bed where I was unconscious for quite some time, these emotions had surprised me, why was I even mad at him? This is just how Kylo is, he'd show me just a small amount of who he truly is, what he wants to be so desperately and then withdraws back into the shadows his emotions create.

While witnessing his silhouette fading slightly within the contour of the walls I wanted to call to him, to reach out to him, to stop him and to talk to him but to be honest I didn't have the will to. I was so emotionally drained that I just didn't have the heart to talk to him right now, especially not knowing what side of him I'd get.

Avery had probably taken notice of the way I felt because I've never been good at hiding my emotions, I was the type of person that you could tell when they were sad but nobody would say anything because I masked my emotions with fake happiness. She had taken ahold of my arm and started to walk down the hall again, "You know... my fetish is Psellismophilia?" I knew it wasn't true, she was just trying to make me feel better and it was working. I pulled her into a side hug as we continued down the halls and began laughing at her, "now how did you pull that one out of your ass?" she had shaken her head at me, I had stopped midway and looked at her "maybe if I start studdering intentionally I'd be attractive to someone?" I had hit her in her side with my elbow and had tried to wink at her but instead closed both of my eyes like an idiot.

Avery had managed to guide us all the way towards the entrance to the cafeteria, unlike the time Kylo had taken me here to have dinner it was filled with more people, helmets were plastered all over the cold metal tables and waves of whispered talking had surrounded the room, echoing off the walls. As soon as we had stepped foot onto the lowered tile of the canteen the troopers had begun noticing us, turning their attention towards us ever so slightly before turning it back towards their meals. Avery stepped out first and walked over to the line of food, she began throwing a huge diversity of meats, fruits, and vegetables all over her metal tray. I had giggled at her, for having such a small body she could for sure eat. I walked over to the bar and started scooping some of the meat that Kylo had eaten previously as well as the weird blue-colored liquid that was filled to the brim of a tall skinny glass.

I had turned on my heel pretty quickly after gathering my food and immediately spotting Avery taking a seat at the very back of the room when I had sat down at one of the benches the cold that radiated off of the metal had made its way up my spine and chilled my body instantly. Avery had already consumed over half of her plate, I started placing some of the meat onto my fork and tasting it for the first time. The spices had taken over my tastebuds and had made me slightly groan at how good the food actually was. Avery had looked up into my eyes, which had filled with curiosity and hesitation, "You can ask Avery, it's okay" I had slightly chuckled and she was slightly taken aback.

She had taken a small breath and set her fork down, she had stretched out her hands and I had placed mine onto hers, "Taegyn... do you miss your family?" this time I was slightly taken aback and I had taken a breath in order to calm my nerves. "Both of my parents are dead..." I lied to her, I so easily lied to her, the words slipped out of my mouth like butter, but to be honest the truth was more painful. Her eyes had softened right away, sadness flooded in. "I'm so sorry Taegyn" I had thrown on a small smile for her, "Its okay Avery, I don't even remember them."

She had squeezed my hands in order to reassure me, "Then if you don't mind me asking, do you have anyone left? Anyone you can turn to? Who can help you?" I had thought about her questions for what seemed like a while but in reality, it might have been a few seconds," I have some close friends, that I now consider my family..." a fleeting memory had raced across my eyes as if I had forgotten about it entirely. "You know... I remember every night my dad would tell me a fairytale or maybe even a nightmare of sorts, the story was revolved around a man, my dad called my great uncle, my 'great uncle' had been torn apart, his spirit was split and my father was absolutely devastated. I never knew what happened to him, my dad never got to finish the story, maybe he's still out there?" I said with a slight bit of hope to both reassure myself and Avery.

Avery had smiled at me ever so slightly, "Maybe he is" as soon as the words had left her mouth the lights in the canteen had started to fade and grow dark, a red light had begun to invade my vision and a roaring sound of a siren had begun to capture my ears, all of my senses had kicked into overdrive the troopers ha begun rushing, throwing on their helmets and abandoning their meals, out of instinct I stood up and stood in front of Avery, protecting her, pulling out my saber from the back of my belt but not lighting it. I had turned my head behind me looking towards Avery, "go back to your room and don't let anyone in until I come back" she had shaken her head at me, acknowledging what I had just said to her.

I had started sprinting down the halls trying to find his silhouette. I began panicking, I didn't know what was happening, stormtroopers had all begun marching down the halls in huge clusters, the room had started spinning, my vision becoming blurry, my anxiety was through the roof, but this anxiety wasn't for me, in fact, it was for Avery and even Kylo. I had immediately tried calming myself down, focusing on him, I needed to find him.


	15. Chapter 15

I had focused all of my attention on him, I slowed my breathing down and the thumping of my heart had slowed along with it, I had dashed down the halls and to where the stormtroopers were just headed moments ago. The lights were still very dim and held a red tint to them, the echoing of my boots hitting the ground had surrounded and filled the halls and had captured my ears, to say it was eerie is an understatement. A shiver had run down my spine, goosebumps following right after, and this terrible feeling had returned and engrossed me and all of my senses. that's when I heard it, the sound of a large explosion, a sizeable blast had slightly shaken the ship, we were under attack, that much was already known.

Nausea had hit me tenfold, I started picking up my speed and rounding the corner, holding onto the wall while I do so that way I don't hit the opposing one, my feet sliding on the sleek pitch black floors. By the looks of it, it seems as though I was heading in the direction of the hanger and it was just then that I had noticed the ship had stood still, our advance through space had haltered. I was thoroughly confused but at the time I couldn't spare it a second thought because my main worry was him.

The hanger had come into view as soon as I had rounded the last corner, and I had spotted him right away through the crowds of stormtroopers, he was boarding his TIE fighter. "Kylo!" out of instinct, I screamed, I screamed for him, I screamed for him to stop; my emotions overflowing and finally coming to a boil within me. His body became stiff and it dare not move an inch but his head otherwise did, his eyes had reached mine, turning soft ever so slightly and I saw it, I saw it as plain as day.

The emotions inside of him were at war, a war that no matter what happened Kylo would surely lose. I had started my way over to him when Kylo had looked me up and down and had thrown himself off of the ladder with haste and making a long stride over to me, when our paths soon met he took a long, deep breath, his eyes turning hard and shutting out everyone and everything. "Go back to your room Taegyn" he had spit out the words with poison and adding fuel to my temper, "You mean my cell!" I had yelled at him.

He had practically snickered at my response, "Oh Taegyn id hardly call that a cell but if you need a reminder ill gladly show you" he tried to turn away from me when I reached out and grabbed his arm turning him back towards me with the little strength I had left, "I'm not finished with you yet" he had yanked his arm away from my grasp with very little effort, he looked me straight in the eyes, anger swirling around them, he had placed his very large hands on top of my shoulders, covering them nearly entirely and sending shivers straight down my spine, "Taegyn I swear if you do not go back to your room you will not like me when I return." His threat prevailing but I had ignored it entirely.

He had turned away and started walking back to his TIE fighter, something wasn't right, the bad feeling had begun to manifest once again from the core of my very being. "Kylo please!" I had started to sound undeniably desperate, He had thrown himself in the cockpit of his fighter. Without sparing me a second glace he took off and flew straight out of the hangar with at least two other fighters accompanying him. I needed to follow him to see what was happening, to help him, to make sure he isn't harmed in any way.

As soon as he had left the hangar I had rushed over to an empty TIE that was currently being prepared, I had thrown my small body onto the ladder that led up to the cockpit, and hoisting myself up towards the opening and finally laying one thigh onto the intensely frigid metal surrounding the opening, letting my foot dangle inside the cockpit. "Stop right there, rebel scum!" I had paused my movements, was this person talking to me? I had looked up and noticed many stormtroopers aiming their blasters up towards me.

I had turned my upper body towards the sound of the voice noticing the figure who had spoken almost immediately, this person had stood around six-foot, but that's not what had immediately drawn my eyes towards them but the fact that this person was blanketed in silver, a stormtrooper whos armor was coated in silver, as soon as I had pointed this person out as the one who spoke I had lifted up my hand and pointed at myself, "Me?" I questioned, which I now know was rather stupid of me to ask considering the circumstances I had found myself in.

While my left hand had remained in the air and pointing at myself my right hand found its way and rested on the hilt of my lightsaber. "Yes you, get down before I kill you" I had looked around me, calculating my chances of taking them on, "Alright Buckethead I'm on your side" I began to slowly make my way down the ladder. As soon as my boots had hit the floor the sound radiated in the room, it was so quiet you could hear a single breath taken by one of the troopers.

I had begun to slowly raise my arms up with my hands wide open to show that I hadn't had a weapon, to make it look like I wasn't a threat. A smirk had found its way to my lips, "what are you smiling about scum?" as soon as my hands had just reached the crown of my head my lightsaber had slid out of its holster and igniting instantly when it hits my hand, I had kept it above my head and for the slightest second, I considered slicing my way through them but as soon as the sinister thought had crossed my mind a pulsing painful shock had made its way up my arm forcing me to drop my lightsaber and grab my hand.

It had frightened me, the stormtroopers had surrounded me, the silver tin head had kicked my saber away from me. "Take her to a cell" two stormtroopers had taken me by my arms and led me to the doors of the hangar, as soon as we had crossed the line dividing the hall and the hangar one of the two troopers had stopped following me. We had eventually turned down the hall that had led towards the cells when I had spotted a supply closet on the left. As soon as we had come up towards the entrance of the door I had turned around on my heel and shoved the trooper into the room, while in the midst of us struggling I had disarmed him and tossed his gun. 

When I had finally had a grip on him I had thrown his head against the back wall and knocked him out. I threw on his suit as fast as I could and raced down the hall back towards the hangar I was just in, I had raced over towards the TIE that I was about to take earlier and threw myself back on the ladder once again when I had finally reached the opening to the cockpit and threw myself into the pilot seat. I look begrudgingly at the multiple switches and levers that composed the control panel of the ship. I blew a blonde strand of hair from my lips in thought as I switched the controls from the auto plot, I felt a sudden wave of annoyance at the thought of flying once again. I loved to fly but it felt like I was pulled toward a sense of annoyance from a presence that seemed to follow me. I shrugged the white armor off of my chest as I pulled the plates from my arms and legs. I rolled my shoulders and moved my neck from side to before taking control of the TIE. I knew that I needed to get to Leia, I've missed her so much but I also didn't know what was happening with me, I also knew that I felt a sense of comfort or familiarity with Kylo but, my questions would never be answered if I spent another minute on this dreaded ship, something was wrong with me, I began thinking dark thoughts and turning those thoughts into action.

I fired the engines before lifting the small ship from the hanger and pulled the ship forward. I dodged the oncoming TIE fighters that seemed to surround the fleet of order ships. I knew the small miscolored ship all too well, it was the resistance, the first order had found them, but how? I spun the ship around trying to not cause to much suspicion but knew I had to get to them fast if I was going to get anywhere. I put on the comlink that attached to the soundboard of the ship on my right. I cleared my throat as I switched through the different frequencies trying to gain a connection to the resistance fighter. I suddenly had a shiver up my back as I flew the ship dodging a returning TIE fighter that failed to breach the force fields, I looked around trying to spot him, there were so many fighters attacking the ship at once, I couldn't find him, I began becoming increasingly worried for him, so much so that I felt physically ill, what was I even prepared to do, shoot his ship down? No, I couldn't.

Finally, I reached the frequency, hearing the familiar chatter of the resistance crew members. " Command this is Taegyn in the approaching TIE fighter entering the perimeter fighter command 1109 ." "Taegyn this is Lieutenant Connix you have permission to board the Raddus." I nod my head at the command. "Rodger," I speak before I watch the docking door of the hanger open. I grabbed the controls of the fighter tighter in my hands before slowly landing the ship and watching the door slowly close behind me. I shrug the headset from my blonde head before grabbing the handle and lifting my body from the fighter and jumping down, hearing the slam my boots made in the hanger. "Dibs on the fighter." I laughed as I watch Poe run passed me and jump in the fighter no doubt enjoying himself immensely. "Leia."


	16. Chapter 16

As soon as she had turned around it had felt like a heavyweight had lifted off of my shoulders, my heart rate had sped up immediately and swelled with so much joy but at the same time, I had felt so much pain, it was as if someone had reached into my chest and started squeezing my heart ever so slowly. When I had looked into her eyes the only thing I could see were the eyes of Kylo, they were nearly the same shade. The throbbing ache of loneliness had swarmed my chest and hit my stomach all at once causing me to stumble and feel a bit nauseous, for the amount of joy that I felt when I saw her could only be matched to the same joy that I had felt when I would see him; I had sucked in a large breath to stop the pang in my chest but every time I did it only helped lessen the small grip that I had on my emotions. I refused to cry, not here, not now.

I had noticed right away that Leia had sprawled out her arms begging for me to connect with them. I had immediately run towards her, to embrace her, to try and find some kind of comfort at this moment; except I didnt deserve the comfort I was seeking, I didnt deserve this, I had broken my promise with him after everything he's been through I still ran away like the coward I am. I had slowly pulled myself away from Leia to not offend her, she had looked up into my eyes and the smile lines on her face and begun to appear at the same time as she had begun to grin at me. My lips had immediately perked up into a small half-smile but the smile never once reached my eyes.

She had placed her ever so small, soft hands on the sides of my face, making sure that I would look her straight in the eyes. She knows me so well, no matter how strong I pretend to be I could never hide anything from her, I started opening my mouth but I closed it right away, I had repeatedly opened and closed my mouth trying to find the right words, anything. I probably looked like a fish trying to breathe out of the water but I didnt know what to say, what do I tell her? I had a bad feeling? "Taegyn, dear, are you okay? Did they hurt you?" she started checking my face and neck and then had started spinning me around to make sure every inch of skin was perfect, she may not have noticed but I appreciated her so much, she was the only person I had left now. "Leia...i...i...i had this terrible feeling, something wasn't right, I had to come to see you, to make sure you were okay..." I didnt know how to explain it to her; it was as if something was reaching out to me and forcing me to come to her, she had forced me to face her once again but as soon as her eyes bore into mine I was at a loss for words, I sounded like an idiot, like a little child. My knees had become weak I was being eaten alive by the sadness that occupied my heart and the thoughts wouldn't stop racing.

The voices in my head wouldn't stop, as soon as I had left Snoke's ship they had invaded my thoughts and drowned out the world around me, at first they were a small whisper, I couldn't even understand what they were saying but now, they are screaming at me, tearing my brain into pieces, Leia's lips were moving, She was talking to me but I couldn't hear her, you left him there. He's going to be swallowed by the darkness and you can't stop it. What a coward you are, running away like a little the little girl you are. Youll never have the old him again. I thought you promised him. I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted to burst into tears and vomit from the pain. The shaking in my hands had traveled up my arms, causing my whole body to tremble; suddenly the voices stopped, it was like the world around me had become so silent that I could hear a breath being taken next to me, it was like the world was void of sound, it was as if the sound had been sucked away. I could hear again, it was Leia's voice that first occupied my ears, "I want you to go find Luke, we haven't heard anything from Chewie or Rey and I'm starting to worry" I shook my head in understanding, too afraid to use my voice.

Leia had turned her back on me to instruct the rest of the crew to return to their duties, I had picked up my legs to run out of the room as fast as I could but it had felt as if bricks were tied to the bottom of my soles; making it ever so impossible to even take an individual footstep. When I had finally crossed the doorway of the control room I had collapsed in the hall, the sound of my body hitting the floor had echoed throughout the long winding hallway and finally bounced back towards my ears, the sound hitting my eardrum was piercing as if someone was yelling right into them. The anger of what I have done finally hit me, what have I done? My breathing had started to pick up and I began panicking, my brain was searching for him and my heart ached for him, I stood up right away and grabbed onto the wall for support, I don't know why but I began running down the halls.

I'm so sorry Kylo, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean too, I'm so sorry... I could feel it, my brain was finally splitting into two and I couldn't control it. Never in my life had I been petrified of myself and fearful of what I would do. When I had finally looked up from the floor I realized where I was, I had made my way unconsciously to the escape pods. "Taegyn... are you..." I had looked up and spotted a familiar dark-haired woman, "Rose '' was all I could get out before my knees finally gave out on me. Rose had rushed over to me and caught me before I could hit the ground full force, her small body had barely supported mine but I was indebted to her, "I'm sorry Rose I didn't mean to" I began to speak but she automatically answered me, "Shut up, you needed help and I'm here" I smiled up at her, Rose and I have become good friends, no actually we were best friends ever since I arrived here, she would show me how to fix the ships and tinker with the mechanics and I would listen and talk to her about literally anything, I felt like she understood me even when I didn't understand myself.

I hadn't realized how much I had missed her until now, and god did I miss her, I missed her infectious smile and her laugh. She had gently sat me up and started rubbing small circles on my back, trying to comfort me. As soon as I had sat straight up she had gotten up onto her feet to help me onto mine, my dark leather boots had hit the ground and created a small echo', she had pulled me up by my arm rather swiftly; as soon as I had finally stabled myself she had let go and looked up at me, even if I was a mere two inches taller than her, still had made me smile. "Are you okay now" I had smiled once again, I'm not ready to talk to anyone about him yet especially since I don't even know why I'm acting this way in the first place, "yeah I'm okay, I was just feeling a little faint..." I lied to her, it had become so much easier now, they just slip right off my tongue and even I start to believe them. I had felt terrible for lying to Rose, she had plastered on a large smile thinking that I was okay, the dread had filled my stomach once more but this time I had to push it down, I can't let another person see me like that.

"Taegyn may I ask where are you going?" I kind of smiled a bit, "I'm going to find Luke and Rey, Leia is worried, I'm starting to worry" I said to her, looking into her dark brown eyes that had specks of honey floating in them, she had begun to get excited, "You mean the Luke Skywalker?" I had giggled at her reaction to his name; she had grabbed my arms right away and ushered me towards an escape pod and pushed me ever so gently into the opening, the pod had light-up right away, I could hear the sound of the engine starting very faintly. Rose looked me back in my eyes, "Don't you dare come back here without him" she had pressed the button that had closed the escape pods door, all I saw was her smile before being tossed out of the ship and thrown into the vast, never-ending void that is space.

I had turned around to finally notice my surroundings, it was bitterly cold; it had kissed my pale skin and laid goosebumps in its path that soon spread and covered my whole body. The brightness of the pod had blinded me almost automatically. It was eerily quiet, I couldn't even hear the sound of the engine anymore and that petrified me; I didn't want to be left with my thoughts, I couldn't I didn't know what I could do, what I would do. I had turned around and came face to face with a large window, I could see the resistance ships in the distance but something was wrong, I had seen flashes of bright red streaks coming from the first order ships, they were firing? But why? The shields are up? The terrible feeling had consumed me once more and panic flowed into my heart. I looked back into the pod to find the control panel, I had hopped into the seat and looked upon the monitors, I had pushed back my blonde hair from off of my shoulders and placed my ever so small hands upon the controls.

I had taken a hold of the steering wheel and I was genuinely confused when I had turned the wheel all the way to the left to go back, to help them but nothing happened, it was as if the wheel was just for show. Panic and concern had grown within me once again, I had looked over to the monitor for the first time, I could see where I was going, the map was displayed across the entirety of the screen when all of the sudden a huge flash of light had filled the small pod. I had immediately swiveled around in the chair and ran over to the window facing the rest of the resistance ships. I immediately recognized where the blast came from, the control room, where Leia was. At that moment I could feel my heart fall into my stomach, a cold shiver had run down my spine and created goosebumps in its path. I wanted to cry, to shout, to scream my voice away. No one would hear me, I was completely and utterly alone.

I took a deep breath trying to steady myself, trying to push the emotions down and feel her presence but I couldn't it was nothing but empty silence, the sheer pain had occupied my thoughts and filled my mind and I couldn't take it. My whole body had started shaking, my knees started to buckle; I could feel the terror rise within me. I had lowered my face, my blonde hair cascading from my shoulders and covered my face. The tears had flown down my cheeks and onto my ink-black tunic, not once did I attempt to wipe them away; I couldn't, I didn't have the strength too. I had leaned my hands onto the window to steady myself; The world had become completely still, like the world no longer existed, as if the sound was being sucked away and all I could hear was heavy breathing, sorrow was entangled within each breath. I looked up to see what was happening to make sure my eyes weren't tricking me, to make sure this was real when I no longer saw the ships, I no longer saw space; instead, I saw the inside of a small pod, it was incredibly dark and flashes of red lights. The sense of familiarity had swept across me, I knew this ship. The breathing had become heavier and heavier, as I slowly lifted my eyes I reached a pair of dark hazel eyes glowing within the darkness that surrounded them.


End file.
